Excuse me for a moment while I freak out

Every time I think about how long I’m going to be here, my stomach does a back flip. I don’t know how I am going to last eleven months. Granted, my attitude will probably change within a few months as I come to feel more comfortable here. However, for the time being, I feel incredibly nervous and scared.

In the weeks leading up to my departure, people always asked if I was excited or nervous about my upcoming trip. I was usually honest and told them that I didn’t feel nervous or excited. 

I felt nothing. 

Absolutely nothing. 

And I’m not sure why.

However, if I were to rewind this last week and was asked that question again, I’d probably throw up.

Yes, I am a crazy person.

I was crazy for choosing to do this.

I was insane for taking this job.

There is a reason why it was so easy to find multiple jobs teaching abroad.

No wonder they pay teachers so well who are willing to move to foreign countries to work…It’s hard!! 

And not only hard, but incredibly terrifying!

The more I think about my situation, and the more time I take to write this post, 

the closer I get to hyperventilating.

Breathe, Evann. Breathe.

Yes.

Breathing is important.

People always say, “Take things one day at a time.”

In my case, I think that following this advice is the worst thing I could possibly do. If I just looked at one day at a time, then all I’d think about is how tomorrow is another day just like today, and how the day after will be the same, as will the following day. And the day after. And the day after.

Perhaps instead of thinking about each day, I can think about weeks. At any given point, I can say “I only have X number of weeks left.”

Yeah. That doesn’t sound too bad…Especially since that number is already below 50.

In the mean time, I need to continue to modify my lesson plans.

Today’s going to be a long day.